"Unique" Thinking: the belief that "The rules don’t apply to me"

Some years ago, in The criminal personality: a profile for change, Samuel Yochelson, MD and Stanton Samenow, Ph.D delineated what they described as criminal misconceptions. One of those mistakes is Unique, used by people who believe themselves to be special or important in some way and are therefore exempt from the laws or even rules of behavior that others are expected to follow.

I was recently asked if I thought that men, (currently in the news), who occupy positions of power and use those positions to intimidate, control and / or abuse their subordinates, were like that before being in such positions. I do not know. But if I risk guessing my answer is “Yes, they probably were.”

It has been said that power corrupts. Well, that happens. But I don’t suspect that power corrupts most people.

People who are emotionally and evolutionarily mature have gone through stages of development that have to do with testing personal power with others, and have gone through stages of development in which they begin to demonstrate an awareness that others are the same as they deserve. fair treatment. While not everyone who is mature in some areas of their lives is necessarily mature in other areas, some behaviors are not just immature, but inappropriate, period.

The developmental potency stage is seen in children between the ages of four and six, as they test various behaviors to see what happens when they perform an action, such as scribbling on the wall. Four-year-olds do not have the emotional capacity to assess the effect of their behavior on another person. They may know something is wrong “because Mom said so,” but most of the time they won’t understand the reason for the limit until later, when they develop empathy for others.

The early teenage years are again a time to test one’s power, which can mean conflict with parents and others. Exiting this stage means recognizing, not only by word of mouth, but also by behavior, that others who may be different in some way deserve respectful treatment.

Emotionally mature adults do more than express beliefs about behavior, they do what they say. All great religious traditions have some form of “The Golden Rule”, that is, treat others as you wish to be treated. This does not mean that all of us who talk about the golden rule constantly follow it. But there are those who ignore this idea and other social or even legal rules if they are not interested in doing so and believe that they are above it all anyway. And therefore, Unique thought comes into play.

In recent times we hear of people in positions of power condemning others for behavior or misconduct that they find offensive, illegal or immoral. However, the same person who condemns others may behave similarly or even behave in more obnoxious ways.

When someone does this, they most likely consider themselves Unique, that is, “the rules do not apply to me.”

Many of us remember that President Nixon said “I am the President” when he meant that he was above the law by virtue of his office. He learned that it was not.

When it is discovered or recognized that someone in a powerful position has been using that power to do harm, it is a good assumption that this person has not been held responsible before, if at all. Those around you likely have partially empowered you (and perhaps overindulged you as a child, although that alone is not always the case, nor is it prescriptive). This person does not care how others are affected, or does not care much beyond the desired outcome, be it intimidation, control, or something else. In other words, this is a form of self-centeredness, currently referred to as narcissistic behavior.

People who consider themselves Unique they may suddenly say “sorry” for something they have been caught doing. But because a person who sees himself as Unique does not see the need to follow normal patterns of social behavior, he or she may not regret it at all, only regret being caught. People who are concerned about how others are affected don’t hurt others in the first place. Or if they have, they learn from the experience and from becoming a genuine concern for others. They modify or completely change their behavior when they see that they have done harm.

There are levels of severity that are seen when one is abusing a position of power. Once a problem is identified, if changes are to be made, the person who has considered himself or herself as Unique you will have to take responsibility. The consequences force this problem, but simply being fired, divorced, or publicly embarrassed will not necessarily mean that a change in behavior will occur.

As with children, consequences and limits are helpful for social control of misbehavior, but they do not teach new behavior. A person who is chronologically an adult must really take the steps to overcome his Unique think and participate in genuinely respectful treatment of others, which requires emotional growth. The injured person has to want to change, which means that they must see the benefit of doing so beyond simply shining to look good in the future. Meanwhile, some power abusers can at least learn to keep secret their desire to take advantage of others, a form of social control or compliance with the limits placed on them by their workplaces, or of social pressure to do so.

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