If you’ve been dating your man for a while and you’re ready for him to finally give you that ring that says “please be mine forever“, but for some reason you can’t seem to take the next step, you’re probably feeling quite frustrated and even confused.
Especially if you’ve been waiting for over a year or two for him to finally pop the question; That feeling of despair begins to kick in. This is where you should be careful. Desperation can lead to irrational behavior such as giving ultimatums or threats. This is quite common for women who desperately want to commit to their boyfriends.
So why are ultimatums a bad idea?
Ultimatums are a bad idea when you’re still willing to do whatever it takes to keep the relationship going. This is not a strategy to be thrown with all the others while there is still hope. An ultimatum is just a glorified word for “threat.”
When guys feel threatened, their natural response is to get defensive. There is a part of our brain (known as the amygdala) that triggers the “fight, flight or freeze” response whenever we feel threatened. Usually, this type of reaction occurs when a person feels “cornered” and the survival instinct kicks in. (There’s also a common term called “emotional hijacking” that occurs whenever this defense mechanism is activated in the brain. That’s why some men can lose their temper and say harsh things they don’t really mean, and then 5 minutes apologize later and say you weren’t serious).
The reason I want you to understand a little bit about how his brain works is because you need to understand how and why he might react the way he would when you say “now or never.” Giving the ultimatum may eventually have its time and place, but you should only resort to that extreme measure when and if the time calls for it.
When should the ultimatum be given?
You are only ready to deliver the ultimatum when you are ready to accept the outcome, no matter what the outcome is. DO NOT give him the ultimatum if you are not ready to act on your boyfriend’s response. The worst thing you can do is give him an ultimatum and not follow through on it. If you stay in the relationship after he says “never” then you will simply lose all credibility and power in the relationship and your chances of getting him to commit to you are further diminished.
If you take anything from this article, heed my warning when I say that ultimatums are only for those who are prepared to pack up and leave.