The role of the father has changed dramatically in even a generation. My father was still relegated to the waiting room while my mother worked and gave birth. My dad even had to be woken up by the nurses after the birth of one of my brothers.
Today, the father often plays an integral role in the entire birthing process. Many parents will enroll in childbirth classes, being the mother’s coach, as well as infant care classes where the father learns (perhaps for the first time) how to change diapers, bathe a baby, and the like.
Becoming a father can be one of the most significant events in a man’s life. For many parents, the birth of a child can be a significant emotional experience filled with mixed feelings such as excitement, fear, maybe terror is a better word, and of course joy, satisfaction, anticipation. These responses often depend on whether or not the pregnancy is planned, the quality of the relationship with the mother, previous experiences with motherhood and parenting, and other cultural and ethnic norms.
The father often contributes to the birth experience with his presence, knowledge and understanding of the parturient; love for mother and her son; and a sense of advocacy along with the desire for the woman to have a positive birthing experience.
However, many men feel ambivalence about being there. Since the father is more of a bystander than a participant in the process, he is more likely to witness the actual birth process, for example, the breaking of the water, the vaginal delivery, the blood and placenta, the cutting of the umbilical cord, etc While most parents are excited about the process and can only see what they want, some may not be so enthusiastic. This can be a good conversation to have with your partner to discuss the possibility of NOT having the father in the room.
Parents sometimes find their children’s childhood challenging. They love the baby and delight in its noises and new activities, but baby care seems to be more mommy’s area. In fact, some mothers sometimes inadvertently prevent dad from taking a more active role by insisting that he hold, feed, and rock the baby in a particular way (usually hers). Then the dads can go back to work and support their new family instead of playing an active role.
However, studies have shown that babies whose parents were closely involved with their care were more cognitively developed at one year of age than babies with less involved parents.
In addition, parents’ positive attitudes toward their babies were related to their children’s problem-solving competence later in their children’s lives.
Don’t shoot the messenger, but studies have even shown that while the mother’s role was important, by far the biggest influence on a child’s emotional health was the mother’s level of involvement. father he was in the early life of a child.
As parents spend more time with their babies, they come to know exactly what each of their baby’s cues means. This familiarity allows parents to respond sensitively, which means they know when their baby is hungry rather than when she just wants a change of scenery.
Parents tend to provide more verbal and physical stimulation, gently stroking their babies and communicating with them with loud bursts of sound. As babies get older, many prefer to play with their parents, who provide unpredictable, stimulating and exciting interaction.
This stimulation is important because it promotes the healthy development of the baby’s brain and can have lasting effects on children’s social, emotional and intellectual development.
Interestingly, as the child gets older, an involved parent often spends more time playing with the child. Often this game is the rough type that most kids really enjoy. However, even if a parent is NOT as involved, the parent becomes extremely important to the child through play.
When parents play with their young children, they are not just entertaining them. They are providing challenges for young children to learn to interact with the world, and with others, in a safe and structured way. Through rough play, parents create obstacles for their children and teach them about boundaries and boundaries.
At the same time, they encourage them to explore their own strength, their ability to do new things, and their impact on the world around them. Young children who must figure out for themselves how to accomplish goals…like finding a ball their parent has hidden behind their back or wrestling their parent on the ground…are practicing important problem-solving skills. In fact, when parents are good at playing with their young children, these children do better on tests of thinking and problem-solving skills.
This game flows into the emotional realm as well. Such play can teach children to tolerate frustration, deal with loss or defeat, be good sportsmen and the like, but above all it helps the child to explore and experience their emotions and express them appropriately.
When children have parents who are emotionally involved—that is, they acknowledge their children’s emotions and help them deal with bad emotions—they score higher on “emotional intelligence” tests. Also, they tend to have better relationships with other children and behave less aggressively.
Parental involvement in the care of their young children can last well into adulthood. Again, don’t shoot the messenger, but mothers seem to have much less impact in this area of emotional regulation and peer relationships than fathers. It really is parents who can be a major influence in helping their children build strong social relationships throughout childhood and later in life.
As for gender differences, a boy learns from his father, without even realizing that he is doing it, what a man is and does. He learns about masculinity, about what men like and don’t like. He also learns from the father how to interact with women, based on the interactions he sees between his father and his mother. His leadership in the family (even in divorce or single situations) is essential for his son. Many adult men report that they wanted to be “just like my dad” or wanted to be the exact opposite.
The girls also learn how to let men treat them based on their fathers’ relationship. Studies have shown that women who grow up with abusive parents often find themselves in abusive relationships. The father’s role in this area is critical. What girls want most from their father is TIME. You don’t have to go on special outings or make every moment ideal, just do chores with her, be around her. Ask him to help you rake the leaves, wash the car. If she wants to go to the mall with her friends, go with her and go out (seriously, she may roll her eyes at the suggestion, but later in life she’ll appreciate your time) or insist that she stay home and help. you around the house.
Of course, you are still at the beginning of your journey with your child. The conclusion is that the father is VITAL, ESSENTIAL and CRITICAL for the child. Parents are as involved as they can be and be aware that the little eyes are watching them to see how they behave. They desire your TIME and presence. Realize that just being there, hanging out with them is the best gift you can give them. Mothers, unless the father is abusive to the child, involve the father as much as possible in all aspects.
DO NOT underestimate the power a father has in a child’s life.