We are, in a very basic way, social animals. We need interaction with others in our life, many of them, to achieve goals, have fun, develop and even survive day by day. This interaction must be clearly supportive and enriching on a constant basis. We owe ourselves the emotional support that fuels our hearts in life. We are surrounded by people who go through life with a constant negative attitude. They need to be convinced and remind them day after day that life is worthwhile and that there is joy in fulfilling their life purpose. Of course, they could just be depressed people, without a sense of accomplishment and joy, and they are probably keeping to themselves. If you need to work with them as a team, maybe their responses are slow or not there at all … better to start a conversation early about some measures, like going to the doctor for an evaluation.
The main distinction here is that depressed people generally do not engage in PA behaviors as well. What is the added element? APs are not only emotionally disconnected from the goals of the partner or the team; Not only are they focused on your own subjective thinking, but they will give you lots of confusing messages that have a direct effect on your brain and emotional state. If your life partner never provides recognition, encouragement, and support, but only provides destructive criticism (offered “for its own good”), then your most intimate relationship eventually becomes a sabotaging connection that prevents you from become who you want to become. You can call this connection a “toxic relationship” if you want to be clear about the effects of this attitude on you. It’s not just that you know that emotionally your partner is not connected to you; is that their behavior, responses and attitudes will go further to confuse and demoralize you.
Constant interaction with PA partners, co-workers or spouses produces a permanent degree of confusion that blocks your mind and prevents you from thinking clearly and concentrating. Of course, the important question that is permanently avoided is: “What was it that I wanted to achieve before, that now I keep forgetting, postponing or denying? What do I want to do with my own life?” In short, your own life goals, interests, and objectives are hijacked, confused, and ultimately forgotten, in the daily battle against the fog of passive-aggressive behavior. Your judgment is slowly being affected by this constant negative environment. To survive, try to be accommodating, pleasant, and patient. But the situation does not improve, so at some point you explode and then they label you as “emotionally unstable” or “fragile”. You are now responsible for the crazy interaction … and your own goals are totally forgotten. People with this disorder resent responsibility and show it through their behaviors rather than openly expressing their feelings. Procrastination, ineffectiveness, and forgetting are behaviors that are commonly used to avoid doing what they should do or being told by others what to do. After ruining your projects, you will have to deal with negative emotions – guilt, guilt, and anger caused by this behavior. Here is a short table, in plain language, to help you identify the behavior you have a right to expect in normal situations and the passive-aggressive reactions you may engage in.
- There is an important deadline for both to be met; like filling out forms for air travel on vacation or buying a home. You trust your partner to do their part, thinking that there is a mutual interest. Things are postponed beyond the deadline; In fact, the project is sabotaged, but you get a lame excuse and an angry reaction when faced with the missed opportunity and your shattered dreams.
- At work, there is a report that needs too many parts to be complete; You go after the person in the Palestinian Authority who yokes that you are “a perfectionist”, without committing to a date to meet. He finally hands you a meager draft, so you can make the most of it and fill in the details, only to then be charged with getting all the credit when you finish the entire document, doing his job and yours.
- When you expect domestic help from your partner, he is always tired / depressed / exhausted / whatever, without telling you when he will be able to do his part. You can’t know if and when she’ll be able to do her part, so you do double duty. And get her to describe you as “upset” if you complain, in a guilt-inducing exchange.
- You are tired, exhausted and you need a little affection. When you express this need, the other person runs away, has an urgent incident, or disappears, all while telling you that they love you. If and when you decide to confront, you get cold shoulder: silence for two weeks, until you capitulate out of loneliness and start talking to him. No mention of what happened, of course …
- When the personal assistant does something with intentional ineffectiveness, sabotaging your part of the project: you discover that there is no lack of skills or knowledge and you feel cheated. When confronted, the person avoids his own responsibility by claiming “forgetfulness.” You get confused and angry.
When talking about shared situations, he never takes responsibility for his own actions, continues to blame others for what happened, and shows negative emotions such as resentment and anger. Complaints about others are not lacking, negative speech prevails. When you decide to talk about this behavior, this person is resentful and grumpy with you. You end up thinking that you are stupid and unable to make your partner happy.
SOLUTIONS? What to do with all this caused pain? Well, the first thing is to declare this type of grief unnecessary and a burden on your life; and learn to distinguish what behavior you expect and what actual behavior you get. It is necessary to declare war on induced confusion: it is necessary to separate the talk and promises from the actual delivered behavior … and observe what this person actually does. Then look at the impact of their behaviors on you – how does it make you feel? This “grief catalog” may be sad, but enlightening for your future: keep a record of things said and not done, whatever the excuse given, and count the feelings.
Are there more feelings of joy than sorrow? So you probably have a complicated person, but not a personal assistant near you. Is there more pain than joy? Now you need to learn to defend yourself from the behaviors that lead you to feel guilty and to recover yourself. Look out for the following article: HOW TO FIGHT PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE ACTIONS!